I am loved.
I am liked.
I am respected.
I am beautiful.
I have what I need to be healthy.
I have what I need to be happy.
I am strong in spirit.
I am strong in body.
I am strong in love.
I am strong in mind.
I have the tools I need to grow stronger.
I am joyful.
I am hopeful.
I accept new growth.
I accept stability.
I accept change.
I have the tools to clear ground.
I have the tools to start new growth.
I have the stamina to maintain progress made.
I am centered.
I am balanced.
I am the face of the divine.
I see the face of the divine in others.
I am kind.
I accept kindness.
I am compassionate.
I accept compassion.
I accept the help I need.
I offer help to others.
I comfort others.
I accept comfort.
I accept the need for rest and rejuvenation.
I show love.
I allow myself to accept love from others.
I move through or around obstacles.
I allow myself to see new paths.
I allow myself to spend free time on myself.
I have the energy to get through any obstacle.
I am more than my past.
I am more than other's perceptions.
I allow myself to be intellectual for the joy of it.
I allow myself to see my own beauty.
I see the beauty in others.
I allow myself to heal.
I allow myself to be whole.
There are more I'm sure but this is what I can write down just now.
I am certainly typical of my family, the most difficult ones to read and concentrate on were the ones allowing my self my own time and rest, and allowing myself to accept from others. We tend to put the work or idea of the work or others above and beyond our own wants and needs. And, being human, when we do take that time to meet our own needs, we feel guilt and discomfort. From the conversations we've had, we all have a hard time asking for and accepting more than superficial help.
Physical therapy has been interesting in many, many ways (not least because of the actual visible improvement in my leg). It somewhat forces me to accept aid. Not to deny responsibility or to slack off, but to acknowledge that aid is needed and will be there when I ask for it. It's an odd feeling when you are given the responsibility to *ask* for help, to work as hard as you can, but learning that asking for help is *part* of that working as hard as you can. It's a new concept for me and one that alternately delights and terrifies me. It means I take on a whole new level of control and responsibility. If you are not just *allowed* to ask but the asking is *part* of what you are responsible for doing to complete the task, it opens up a whole scary set of possibilities.
What if all the things that I fight to do and fight to follow through on, are such a struggle because *part of the task* is to ask for assistance *before* I've gotten hurt or frustrated? What if the essential bit, the part of the task I am falling down on, is to acknowledge I am not in control of the world and that I need to *ask*? There's a difference somewhere here between being able to ask for aid and not being responsible for completing one's own tasks. Maybe what is needed is for me to redefine the idea of *task*. Perhaps, if I accept that asking for help is an essential *part* of the task, then the level of frustration and resentment I fight with when I am *forced to ask* isn't needed? And how to draw the line between asking for aid and just being lazy?
Thanks Akein, you've given me much food for thought, and all loverly crunchy bits too.
x-posted to my own journal and < lj user="lifeaffirmation">